Boy I remember 10th. grade. I was going through a lot of changes. Many were easy to accept; the changing of my voice(late I know) and hair sprouting from places that I learned growing up was the making of a man. Then there were the changes that were not very easty to understand; The attraction from other young men/men towards me and vice versa, and not fitting into society's acceptable perameters of sexual partnering. I saw girls/young women as being attractive but had no interest in pursueing a sexual relationship with any of them. With these issues at that age, I was not comfortable talking about any of them with anyone who was a member of my peer group. I was more at ease talking to older boys or men. Your feelings to want to ease the emotional discomfort you portrayed your classmate to have may have come from two different parts of you. One was from the part of you that is socially aware and the other from a more personal side. That personal side is the stronger side because it is a side of you that is of the soul building. It is part of what defines you both internally (to yourself and your understanding of who you see yourself as) and externally,(the part that society sees or your outside persona). So suppose you approach this issue using your internal parts. If he were to tone down his attention, would this make the part of you that is responsible for doing what makes you feel good happier? Or suppose you approach it from the other side, the side that is seen by your peers. Would you make it a point to state to this person that though you were interested in creating a friendship, their being so overbearing makes you uncomfortable. The side that makes you happy will likely find a way to resolve this because the other person has shown a character trait that you find appealing;someone who has shown an interest in you to the point of buying you something specific that you have already pointed out would make you happy. Or if the issue is to be resolved by the other side of you, the side that is under the influence of your peers and the people who are important enough to you to give in to their influence, you will have to approach it head on. You will have to be able to approach this person and in a language that leaves no ambiguity, express how their behavior makes you feel and how it creates a level of discomfort and may be looked upon by others as something other than what it truly is. So it boils down to this. Can you allow yourself an oppurtunity to be open to a personal relationship that in the long run will have more personal meaning simply by telling your new friend that you like them but their behavior is not permitting anything other than being aquaintances or are you going to follow the opinions of your friends for whom you may no longer stay in touch with after graduation,(it happens) and tell this person that they make you uncomfortable and that you do not care to pursue a friendship under the current circumstances. When travelling that road your speaking tones are going to be very different than those you would use if you were going to travel the road that makes you happy on a personal level. Which ever road you travel. try to be compassionate, sincere, and always keep eye contact. If I were in your shoes personally, I would tell the person who has the aggressive personality to tone it down and if they are capable of doing so, make it a point to spend more time with them and allow the two of you to get to know one another so as to remain open to a relationship that will one day have a lot of rewarding emotions attached to it.
These are just the beginning of new changes you are going to experience being so young.
Advice by
cheyenne92104
at
Jan 10, 2011 10:10 PM
